Will there ever be balance?

I have a daily ritual at work.....actually it's a sporatic ritual if there exists such a thing. Although I don't consider myself a superstitious person, the MySpace daily horoscopes from Cheree's MySpace page have crept into my life, carrying a certain power that I refuse to acknowledge....

Today I was talking to Alli about the difference between being spontaneous VS planning things out. Somehow it seems to go against my nature to "go with the flow." I mean I'm capable of flowing, as long as I know about it. I've been given advice my entire life to just let things happen naturally, even FROU FROU sang to me in their song "Let Go." "Let go, let go, jump in. oh what ya waiting for....there's beauty in the breakdown." So you'd think I'd get it. Being a "ponderer" I mulled this advice over in my head today.....until Cheree (bless her heart) opened up the world of MySpace horoscopes to shed some light on my thoughts. Today it reads,

"...It's just not a good idea to allow yourself to become unhinged now, as your spontaneity isn't as effective as your premeditated plan.....The conflict between your romantic heart and your practical head might be enough to distract you from doing much of anything now. Don't act too soon. Let the current emotional stress reach a crescendo before playing your part."

So the questions-----Why should I be spontaneous when clearly according to my horoscope my spontaneity is not as effective as my premeditated plan? Is my sponteneity effective at all? Does this mean that everyone who has ever told me to "go with the flow" is wrong? Is there really a disconnect between my romantic heart and my practical mind? Is this true in general? Am I even capable of being spontaneous? Or as MySpace says, am I, as a Taurus, just doomed to be a planner?

I guess I like to think of it like this. I like to have a plan, I like to have goals, to have something to work toward. I like to measure my progress so I can see how far I've come. I like to have at least an outline for how I want to accomplish my goals. For example I've recently taken on the enormous task to read The Fountainhead. My goal is to read for at least an hour every night until I've conquered The Book. I can see my progress by the steady movement of my bookmark. Page by page I am coming closer to my goal. Sponteneity wouldn't work in this situation would it? Its not practical.
On the flip side, its impossible to really plan things out in life, especially when it comes to the more enigmatic things......like relationships. There is no way to plan how interactions will play out. There is no way to plan someone's choices. There is no bookmark to move along the progression of friendship, or any other relationship for that matter. So perhaps sponteneity is the only option in dealing with or living in an enigma? If this is the case am I screwed?

Will the conflict between my planning and my ability to "let go" really distract me from doing much of anything?

Perhaps MySpace will have some answers in my horoscope tomorrow. Teach me the ways of letting go, learning what it means to really let things happen naturally. Really learn what Thoreau meant when he said "I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, To put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die Discover that I had not lived.” Is being spontaneous REALLY living?

Right now I'm not sure. But until I figure it out don't worry........

I have a plan.

I want to live in a world where I belong....

So I don't know if it was the fact that I hadn't been to a concert since November, or the fact that I got elbowed in the head by an angry fan, or the fact that I was promised protection from a lovely lesbian couple, but I had a fantastic time at the Travis concert held at The Depot on April 14th.
For those of you who aren't familiar with this band, please consider this your personal invitation to check them out. They have 5 albums out but I would recommend starting out with either The Boy With No Name, The Invisible Band, or The Man Who. Any one of these albums will change your life so please be my guest....
This band has been credited for paving the way for bands such as Coldplay, Keane and Snow Patrol. They aren't as well known but I think they prefer it that way. To me it says something about a band who can open the door for such famous bands but still maintain a lowkey profile...playing at venues whose maximum capacity is 1200. They are more interested in performing for their true fans rather than to sold-out stadiums full of people who are there because its "cool" to be there, or because they know one or two of their songs.
At one point during the concert I felt like the music was oozing out of the instruments and wrapping around me from head to toe. It felt purifying, it felt exhillarating, it felt calming. Somehow all of the stresses and worries and concerns I'd been carrying around were swallowed up in the lulling melodies. With Fran Healy on lead vocals, Dougie Payne on bass guitar, Andy Dunlop on lead guitar and Neil Primrose on drums (who looked alot like John Bonham from Led Zeppelin) it was nothing short of perfection.
At one point Fran came down into the audience and slow danced with a fan (the girl who elbowed me in the head actually grrr), and embraced audience members. He loved us, he serenaded us, he thanked us, he danced with us.
This is a band worth knowing and worth embedding into your daily life. Let Big Chair rock you to sleep, let Sing inspire you, let Selfish Jean motivate you......let Travis be part of the soundtrack of your life.

Perspective

So last night I went on a drive to this lookout point in Salt Lake It’s clear up past the temple in this neighborhood overlooking the city. It’s one of my favorite places in the world. One thing I’ve tried to do over the past years in my life is to find a place overlooking whatever city I live in and make time to go there frequently. I even did this throughout my mission in the different cities where I served.
Here’s why I love it. It seems like far too frequently it’s easy to get caught up in the little stresses of life. My focus goes to what is immediately in front of me and I forget to look around me and notice life happening all around. When I go to these lookout points I can see the entire city where I live. I know that there are thousands of people below me who are struggling, who are loving, who are hurting, who are growing, learning, helping, living, doing, being and I’m reminded that my life doesn’t even take up a square inch of the city. I’m reminded that no matter what is going on around me I am okay, I am happy, I am grounded in truth, I am thriving, I am loved, I am supported. I know that I belong somewhere; even if the place is small it is mine. I am reminded that everyone around me has potential to do great thing and if I let those people into my life I have the opportunity to change and grow and expand myself as a person. I am reminded that there really is a “big picture”.
In Jacob 4:14 it talks about trying to “look beyond the mark” and by doing so you cause yourself to go blind…. Or in other words by trying to see things beyond what is necessary, or by focusing all of my energy on what is right in front of me rather than seeing life around me I inadvertently create blinders on my vision. It’s like putting sunglasses on at night and wondering why I can’t see clearly! There is an Ani DrFranco song called Hour Follow Hour and some of the lyrics say “…we can only hold so much is what I figure. Try and keep our eye on the big picture, picture keeps getting bigger.” Isn’t that cool? There is ALWAYS room for growth and thank goodness for that! There is always more out there to learn, more people who can and will influence your life for the better, and vice versa, there are thousands of people whose lives you can influence for the better. Ah perspective….what a great thing to gain!